World Maps

I'm still in the grips of another Middle West heat wave, kids. It's tough. 

Everyone here makes jokes about risking death by venturing out in the winter months when wind chill can get down to 40 below zero, but the secret about Minnesota is that the summer can be just as dangerous. Case in point - in search of a specific dinner ingredient last night, I braved the 110+ heat index for all of 20 minutes. Having not had dinner yet and slowly navigating the jungle-like conditions, I returned home with the elusive ingredient on the verge of fainting. I just needed something to munch on (keeping mind and body together) and a cool glass of water to lower the temp. But it reaffirmed the notion that, for long stretches of time here in MPLS, it's simply not safe to venture out. One of the best outlets I've found to combat these potential cabin-fever conditions is exploring in video games. Not all games provide it, but it is a motive that was instilled at an early age.

 Like many people in America my brothers and I subscribed to Nintendo Power when we were kids, not only for all the amazing secrets and game tips but for...wait for it...drumroll...a free game! We got our copy of Dragon Warrior in the mail and were promptly confused. Our experience with RPGs at that point was minimal. I don't think I even know how to read at that point, actually. But we had our resources (the mag) and a resourceful attitude (what else do you do on a dangerously cold snow-day?) so we set about making Dragon Warrior a worthy endeavor. Alright, mostly I just watched as my older brother played it with the neighbor kids, explaining the action to me very patiently. At some point the addictive nature of a solid RPG hooked its claws into both the older brother and the Summers kids across the street and the three older kids went about working their way through the rest of the Dragon Warrior catalogue on NES.

 For myriad reasons the second and third iterations never captured my imagination (except for the Phantom Ship which was amazing), even after I learned to read and played through the original. When the three older kids had played through Dragon Warrior Four, however, I was mystified. Here was a brightly colored, artfully plotted and constructed game with a massive world to explore. At the time there was nothing else like it. Being the conservative tacticians that they were, rather than save their game right before the final battles, they saved them in the final safe spot, allowing me to pick up the controller when they were all off watching a baseball game, so I could explore the world as it existed in the almost completed, fully unlocked state. Doing so triggered some nascent, developing corner of my mind that until that point had been slumbering. When it awoke it was like a white ball of burning curiosity, seeking info, from reading every line of text to exploring every nook and cranny.

 The world of Dragon Warrior Four was big, to the point of being navigated with either a ship or hot air balloon. I understood the basic mechanics from watching the others play it, so I knew about the chaptered structure, the overlapping plots and the wide cast of characters. I was curious, though, how it all fit together. Having a fully powered up cast of characters to explore with allowed me free reign over the game, granting near-instant gratification to my desire to see what lay around the corner. Sometimes it was amusing, like being able to run a shop in a certain village. Other times it was with great caution and trepidation as I wandered into the World Tree just to see where it could take me. I knew I shouldn't monkey around in end-game affairs but the temptation of hidden worlds was so tempting!

I know it seems really childish and foolish to speak of it in such reverent terms, but the experience did set into motion my love of playing with boundaries in games. I spent hours with my younger brother glitching and sequence breaking The Ocarina of Time. Goldeneye on the 64? I still dig up bugs and tricks on it, just to see if anything new was discovered, like the test level 'Citadel'. As games have evolved this sense of "Can I do this?" has changed with the design. I remember how exasperated the older brother was when I was playing some hunting game on our PS2 and kept trying to get the little guy to go into a cabin. 

"Man, it's a hunting game!" he insisted, frustrated at my nebbish, indoor-only attitude. 

"Dude, you're missing the point," I tried to explain. But he would have none of it. 

Games now reward that sense of rule-bending. They reward you for thinking outside of the box. Look at the driving concept behind of Dead Rising, where your entire experience in the game is predicated on dispatching zombies in the most creative, outside of the box conceivable. Modern classic Bioshock is nothing but a philosophical examination of choice and free will in gaming told through the eyes of an Ayn Rand-obsessed studio. Some of the most fun I've had in gaming comes from just dinking around in the environment. I remember bouts of insomnia combatted with tooling around in GTA: San Andreas just observing the generation and mechanics of the traffic around the city.

 Anyone who's met me will attest that I am not a big outdoorsman, camping and hiking and all that. I think the content to this site proves that well enough. But that doesn't mean I don't have an adventurous mind. Some of the brightest, most wonderful people I know demonstrate this just by engaging their mind, no matter where there life takes them. You don't have to work for NASA to exercise your mind. Find something that makes yours go, and keep at it. Dragon Warrior Four, of all things, helped me get my mind running. It doesn't have to be ultra-taxing - just try to have fun with your life, no matter the circumstances, and you'll be mentally engaged. 

Dreamstate

I never got carsick playing this. Not once. 

As a child of the late 80s/early 90s I was a proud owner of a Game Boy, the inexplicably gender-specific portable device courtesy of Nintendo. My parents, in their infinite wisdom and generosity, decided the best way to pacify me on long car trips (of which there were many) and trips to my grandparents (of which there were even more). I adored the Gameboy both for what it was and what it afforded -  gaming on the go! Official, transportable Nintendo games! I was sold. Rather, mom and dad were. The requisite title was Tetris, of course, but there were other games that mesmerized me beyond the gratifying disappearing of bricks. Of particular quality and experience is the subject of today's Video Game Week piece about neglected and forgotten games - The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening.

Zelda and Nintendo (especially of the portable variety) have become inextricably intertwined in the two decades, but that wasn't always the case. At the time of the release of Link's Awakening there had been a total of three Zelda titles - the original and establishing title, the uneven and divisive sequel and the instant-classic Link to the Past. A quality gaming experience was not the guarantee at this point. But with it's pedigree and reputation, it was already known at the time to be a solid, reliable series in the Nintendo canon. When Link's Awakening was announced people were excited but wary - some titles had shown a drop in quality in the journey to the smaller screen. When it finally was released we got something that was a little unlike any Zelda game we'd seen before, and nothing since then has been quite like it. In fact Link's Awakening remains an anomaly in both structure and plot, setting it apart from the rest of the games in the series.

Whereas every single other game bearing the Zelda title has included some form of Hyrule, Ganon, the Triforce and the titular princess herself, Link's Awakening set itself apart by eschewing all of these standard ingredients for a unique and whimsical tale of cast-away adventuring. The core of the game's plot (which was surprisingly rich for its day) is as follows: Link, in the wake of his adventures in A Link to the Past, sets off for sail on the high seas. When a storm wrecks his boat he awakes to find himself on the shore of Koholint Island, a strange place that bears more than a passing similarity to Hyrule. At the center of the island is a mountain with a gigantic egg resting in the crater on top. In order to leave the island and go home, Link must defeat eight creatures in their respective dungeon lairs in order to retrieve instruments to play a song that will awaken the Wind Fish that rests within the egg. See? Told you it wasn't the same old song and dance. What unfolds is a sad tale of both determinism and resignation in the face of destiny. I will be extremely conservative and not spoil a 20 year old game, but my 10 year old self was genuinely sad to see what unfolded in the final moments of the game, and even now I remember it fondly for the adventure. However I still don't want to re-experience the loss that stems from the plot. I think that shows either an extreme emotional attachment or signs of strong game design.

 While I certainly don't want to dump all over the tried-and-true template for a Zelda game (Ganon, Triforce, Hyrule and one requisite tweak of the conventions) I really loved this game for what set it apart, even if at the time I thought it was a bit odd. In fact, my pre-teen brain interpreted the non-canonical setting as a result of the portable nature of the game, i.e. smaller, non-console iteration equated a non-standard game. In a way that subconscious interpretation was right, as I've found that te game's development was almost an after-hours, off-project construction. The designers were afforded more freedom to play around with conventions because of the side-story nature of the game. This sense of freewheeling, 'let's throw this in' attitude made for a unique little adventure, one that felt both large in scope and unlike anything I'd played before. There were cameos from Mario games, the occasional side-scrolling section and even, for the first time in a Zelda game, the ability to (gasp!) jump. These quirks helped break ground for the series, if only in adding a touch of whimsy where convention might otherwise induce stagnation.

 There have been re-releases and enhanced versions in the intervening years since I've played Link's Awakening, but my heart will always remain with the simple little black and white, bare-bones version for the Gameboy. There are...ways...to track it down if you can't find the GBC version. If you've never played it, I would highly recommend it, just to see what a Zelda game can be when the plot and structure are unrestrained by the demands of convention. Even if it involves a poignant moment at the end. 

Funkotron

In the midst of another relentless Middle West heat wave, I bring you more of Video Game Week! 


Some estimates have put the heat index well above 110 (Fahrenheit, you metric-loving world, you!) and that is just too darn hot to function. Consequently my better half and I have spent the day reassembling our humble abode in the wake of our wedding and honeymoon. We hit a Farmer's Market before 9 in the morning and it was still so hot we decided that cleaning in the AC with the blinds down was the best way to be productive today. Any further venturing would have risked certain death. Since subsequent adventuring would have required the use of video games, so when she wasn't watching me clean in our office I fired up my copy of my favorite old Sega game, ToeJam & Earl!

My love of the world of hip hop clearly started at a young age.


Released in 1991 for the Sega Genesis (Mega Drive to you Japanese readers), the game was a favorite of mine for a variety of reasons. My friend Matt owned a copy and we spent our share of winter afternoons playing the game, whose titular aliens ToeJam (the skinny one) and Earl (the fat one) seemed not-at-all a desperate grab at relevancy and hip vernacular from marketing teams. Basic plot was as follows: Aliens crash on a bizarre version of Earth, fight off stereotypes of humans to find pieces of wrecked craft to get home. A rap-themed take on ET, basically. 

A fairly simple game, you pretty much just walk your character of choice around in search of ship parts, picking up wrapped presents (which contained a variety of goods like rocket skates, Icarus wings, slingshots and food) while dodging crazy doctors and angry moms pushing their kids in shopping carts. Not a lot to it, just wander around and search for stuff. While this was still the early 90s, a period in which video games were simpler both in concept and execution, it was even at the time a pretty minimal game. That essence of simplicity was endearing, though, as it got the game's concept out of the way and just let you and a partner explore the weird, hyper-real world the designers created. It was an adventure in the most basic sense - you and a friend try to help the hip, stranded aliens. For a couple of white kids from the sticks we thought we were down with the lingo. Bad ass dudes, were we. 

There's all sorts of idiosyncratic touches in ToeJam & Earl that made it stand out at the time. Enemies weren't simply trying to kill you but were more of a conceptual impediment. Example: Hula Girls were scattered around, and when in their vicinity your character is compelled to Hula dance, which did you no damage but opened you up to, say, a swarm of bees coming out of left field. Santa Claus made appearances, because why not? I guess to follow the logic of the game offering presents as a source of items and goods. Anyway, you could sneak up on Santa to startle him, causing a bevy of gifts to fall out. Levels were literally levels - giant, randomly formed platforms of land suspended in open space, complete with quicksand and lakes. Falling off the level would cause you to drop back down, only impeding progress rather than out-and-out penalization. In the first level of the game you could fall down a hole to Level Zero, which was nothing but a hot tub and lemonade stand. If your character sat idle too long they would fall asleep. Pressing buttons wouldn't immediately wake them up, but start a cascade of whispers and eventual yelling that would eventually get them going again. This is all sounding absolutely absurd, but these weird things are why I love the game to this day.

I mentioned in yesterday's post how I rarely play any games with other people, but this is the exception to the rule. I loved playing it as a kid. In college it served as a great goofing off/time waster with friends who grew up on the Sega side of the tracks. Fire up the emulator, grab a beer and an ashtray (I've since quit) and casually wander around a fun, if oddly twisted world. ToeJam & Earl is a surreal, satirizing of America, but that take on life makes the game fascinating to play when coupled with it's simple yet free-roaming style of play. If you've never had a chance to play it you can download it for Virtual Console and possibly Xbox Live Arcade, or find it...other...places. I highly recommend it, just for the sense of whimsy.

House of Horrors

Video Game Week continues!


You may have caught it earlier today if you follow me on Twitter, but today's post is all about the fond memories I have of stumbling on to the NES port of Maniac Mansion. 


Being born in the early 80s and raised in a small town with very patient and kind parents, I was afforded an NES at an early age, though with little to no context to the world of video games. Sure, years down the line I would delve head on into the world of Nintendo Power and kindle the flame for my present-day pseudo-journalism, but at the time all I had for guidance in the world of video games was A - my older brother B - the playground and the miscreants therein and C - whatever was on the shelf at the local game rental place. I was raised on Mario, Excitebike and Ninja Turtles. The Nintendo catalog was fairly sparse. Even at my young age, though, I displayed a predilection for B-movies and the bizarre, macabre world of 1950s throwbacks. So imagine wonderment extremely piqued curiosity when I saw this cover art on the shelf at the local game-rental shack:

Though it took me a few trips to work up the nerve to give it a spin, once I finally checked it out my sense of gaming was irrevocably altered. Adventure games became a kind of mature, more intelligent and expressive medium for enjoyment. While I love side-scrolling, beat 'em up affairs like Double Dragon and the pop-art stylings of the original Duck Tales game, Maniac Mansion shaped my fundamental understanding and mental conception of what video games could aspire to be. The game is fairly simple in terms of how's and whys: you play as three teenagers exploring a spooky house while trying to free your friend from a scientist, pointing a cursor at objects to interact with them (sound familiar? These things repeat because they work, people.) It started a trend, along with a certain RPG series I intend to write on, of favoring the text-heavy (but not solely based) headier games, particularly those with a flair for the morbid or twisted. From here I branched out in genres to find my niche - whereas a great of modern gaming is online FPS with headsets, I still prefer to sit with headphones in the dark while I explore Rapture, reveling in the solitude and personal journey that games can provide. Community has never been a quest for me, rather the individual's experience and how we internalize it and make sense of the world. That might just be a self-centered way to say I don't play a lot of multiplayer.

As much as I love this quirky point-and-click tale from Lucasfilm Games, it really bums me out to know there are so many people out there, especially younger than me (grump, harumph, grumble) that have no experience with the genius and trailblazing adventure. Created by the inspired Ron Gilbert and Gary Winnick, the game not only helped coin the phrase 'Cut Scene' but brought to the forefront the burgeoning genre of point and click adventure games. King's Quest, Sam & Max, Monkey Island, these games all rode in on a wave started by these two designers experiementing in a new and distinct genre of gaming. It allowed for a more immersible and cerebral playing experiences. Players used their brains to rationalize a world beyond the context of reflexes and number-crunching. In my own mind I viewed the experience as somewhere in a delta between watching a movie, reading a book and playing a game - it wasn't a traditional video game. At the time, I knew it was different from the rocknroll of Mega Man, but only now can I look back and see exactly what it was that set it apart. What with all the potential screw ups and no-win dead-ends, there was a real sense of "what can I do here?" as compared to the popular format at the time of "Run to the right, kill things, keep moving". It was a weird little world to explore.

Not only was it a strange experience in terms of game play, but additionally the attitude was remarkable for the time. Nintendo of America had a strict policy about the content of the games they published - censorship was the norm at the time. This game, with it's abundant corpses, blood, aliens, teenage protagonists and Pepsi products, seemed strangely adult and more mature. Only in the last few years have I had a chance to read up on the localization process that Gilbert and Winnick experienced in translating their groundbreaking work from home PC to NES. It's an amusing tale of arbitrary corporate policy to say the least.


Thankfully, Maniac Mansion has seen enduring popular acclaim through the last 20 (20!!!) years. There have been numerous ports and remakes over the years, ensuring that as long as there is an audience, it remains possible and enjoyable to play Maniac Mansion just one more time. Maniac Mansion Deluxe is the reigning champ, being both excellent and free, so please - if you ever played it and just want to try it again, never heard of it and missed out on the history of it or just want to see where modern gaming came from, check it out. It really does hold up as a great game in the most essential way.  I'll see you tomorrow.

Metal Gears

Kids!

I can't tell you enough how happy I am to have you here!

To summarize our situation - it's Friday night and it's Video Game Week. What does that mean, you ask? It means that it's either late Friday night or fairly early Saturday morning while you read this, a fact that causes no consternation on my part. I've certainly spent my share of time dinking around online while waiting for good things to happen. Even less derisively, there's no harm in spending a weekend night in - eff you for thinking otherwise. Life is what you make of it, and no one says you have to be out at a trashy bar in order to really experience the weekend. You wanna sit quietly, all hours of the night and read? I'm cool with that. Hell, I'll recommend books and dissect the author's perspective until the sun comes up. You just need to tell me when to shut up so you can sleep. Point is, I want you to enjoy your day. But at the same time, here we're looking at old games! The forgotten and downtrodden, the neglected and loved, the old games no one plays anymore! So what do we look at in the brief time I spend writing on a Friday evening, between cocktails?

Excitebike, kids. Excitebike.

I don't know what it is about this game. There's something so simple and gratifying about it that scratches the subconscious itch in a way that just zipping through it mindlessly can't do...a pleasure that's derived from hitting the jumps and popping wheelies just so, like a mofo. I loved this game. 

Released in 1985 (1985!!!) in America, the game is of the simplest concept - just hold A to accelerate, B for turbo and use the d-pad to lean forward or back and don't get greedy, lest you overheat or tumble. Your little racer hurtles towards the finish line, engine chugging away as you hammer down on an intricately timed pattern of A&B button turbo bursts. There is such a simple nature to this game that it almost could have preceded the NES. I look back on it fondly as one of the first games I was ever given as a kid, I think from my Aunt Sue for my...man, my fifth birthday? That can't be right, can it?

Regardless, I love Excitebike. There is a certain zen nature to the game - just hold A and you could win. Sure, it might depend on your ability to level off your jumps and landings, but it was feasible to win simply by driving straight on and not using any turbo boosts. In the design of the game is a certain element that is intrinsic to the idea of control and enjoyment, that the player uses their hands to experience the ride and get a bit of a vicarious buzz. Twenty-some years on, I still love to fire up a running version of this game and bleed a bit of adrenaline in the slightest way.

 In a move of staggering genius Nintendo released this as one of their 3DS games for FREE, so go and download it now and see what you missed so long ago. I'll check in with you tomorrow to see what you've missed in the intervening years.

Lost In Translation

Evening!


...and now to scare off the audience...


It's officially Video Game Week! 


I mentioned in one of my first posts back from vacation that I would be doing more theme weeks and fleshing out my concepts to a fuller degree. This will serve as the first of such endeavors. So strap in and get ready to be subjected to my thoughts on old, forgotten and underrated Games I Have Loved. First up - Rare's momentum-killing Grabbed By The Ghoulies!

I say this, of course, with an affectionate disdain that any chagrined gamer can attest to wearing. The game is known, in some circles, as being one of the first major missteps by a company whose track record was otherwise legendary. Rare, the British game studio behind the deservedly loved Donkey Kong Country, Goldeneye, Killer Instinct and Banjo Kazooie, had been acquired by Microsoft in a rather controversial move. The first IP they released in the wake of the Microsoft acquisition was the curious, distinctly styled Grabbed By The Ghoulies. Until this point that company had maintained a solid string of critical and commercial successes. Here, though, was their first stumble. As a matter of course, the game became an exclusive Xbox title, released in 2003 to little fanfare. It lives on in infamy with few devoted fans. I humbly count myself among their numbers. But I'll get to that in a minute. First, a little background.

The premise for the game is simple and straight-forward: protagonist Cooper's girlfriend Amber is kidnapped by Baron Von Ghoul after the pair stumble into his haunted mansion and it is up to Cooper to free his love from Von Ghoul's captivity and requisite minions.  It's all by the numbers, with little meat to it, but to be honest, the plot is almost ancillary to gameplay. While many games as of late grow over the top with their convoluted plots, Rare has often set up intricately-made games with the most basic plot, under the guise that plot really is window dressing to get you to the fun. (Par example - someone stole the bananas! Get 'em, DK!) The action is simple - almost everything is done by the two thumb-sticks on the massive Xbox controller we all hated, save a few key moments where a string of buttons get you out a quick-time-event (ugh) scare sequence. Basically you work Cooper through room after room in the mansion, just beating up zombies, imps, skeletons, mummies and other horror mainstays. As you progress, challenges are thrown in the mix to keep things interesting - don't get hit, time limits, kill only these things, etc. The house is filled with things to use as weapons - furniture, plates, whatever can be picked up. The gameplay is so straightforward it's almost hard to believe Rare was behind it. My first time playing it I wondered if I was missing something.

But really it's not even about the gameplay, for me. I think I picked it up for a whole two dollars back in 2006, looking for something to amuse me during a cold winter that saw me A - being quite broke and B - living near a Gamestop. The simplicity of the game made it fun to dink around in while I listened to podcasts. I loved the atmosphere Rare created. It brought back memories of the Halloween sections of the first Banjo Kazooie, which I loved. I got the feeling it was Rare's love letter to old horror films, flaws and all. In some ways it calls to mind the gameplay of Zombies Ate My Neighbors, only updated and dumbed down. As a fresh-out-of-college slacker it was great for having a beer and goofing off with friends, even if we just riffed on how bad some elements of play could be. Hell, look at the title - Grabbed By The Ghoulies. It's a game based around a bit of British slang, of all buzz-killing marketing techniques. I've heard (completely unverified) rumors that Rare named the game before there was a concept, potentially as a sequel to the (column pending) Conker's Bad Fur Day. 

Despite all my kvetching and dog-piling on a game that's almost 10 years old and forgotten by almost all, I still dust off the ol' black box to give it a spin when I miss that time in my life. For a mere two dollars, I got a surprising amount of play out of it. Somehow it made the cut for the Xbox Originals downloads section of the Live Marketplace, again for cheap. For a more positive, affectionate spin on why I might keep coming back to it, check out this write up for kinder words. If you're looking for a bit of a curiosity in the annals of gaming, give it a whirl - maybe you'll find it as charming as I did.


Just don't tell anyone.

Double Down

Sound the alarms! Double post!


I had to throw up a quick note to alert as many people as possible. Plus I figure after two weeks off I can throw the occasional double post to make up some ground, right? Anyway - you want to hear this. It's been all over the music world in the last week, but in case you haven't heard - do yourself a favor and head over to Wugazi to hear some amazing stuff.

The title says it all. Wugazi is simply the best of both worlds - the inspired, cacophonous delta that forms when Doomtree member Cecil Otter and producer Swiss Andy set about laying the vocals of the legendary Wu Tang Clan over the similarly (but more overlooked) Fugazi. It's one of those things that shouldn't be able to exist, yet it works so well. If you've read some of the other articles on this site about mashups and the manner in which our culture re-purposes pre-existing material, you might have an inkling of how mind-blowing I find this to be. Hell, Cecil Otter's solo albums are heady affairs, worthy of their own dissection. But to take some of the most unusual, groundbreaking hip hop of the last 20 years and throw it over some of the most curiously intelligent hardcore - that's some sublime, inspired genius. There was simply no chance for a middle ground here - either be un-listenable or undeniable. To the universe's credit, we go the latter. 

I was lucky enough to snag it before the site crashed, but it may be back up as of now. The free (FREE!) album of remixes/mashups is available now, so if you have absolutely any interest in A - essential hip hop B - high quality post punk C - post-modern music or D - insane jams for the summer...go to Wugazi.com NOW and download it. Before someone's lawyers smell blood in the water. 

Hello Indeed

Sometimes the twee is just to overwhelming to resist.


The twee I speak of in today's post is that of the sickly sweet, pure bubblegum joy that is 'Hello' by Martin Solveig with the help of Dragonette. A thumping, inescapably dance-able number, the song is an almost too perfect example of modern music. It's infected my ears in the last six months. The handy-work of French DJ extraordinaire Martin Solveig, the song is all electro sounds and synths. Released in fall of 2010, it's done an impressive job of staying in the public eye (ear?). 

Despite the myriad reasons I can cite, no specific one stands out. Maybe it's just a catchy hook and a beat you can dance to. There is an undeniable French air to the track, with its sunshiny buzzing and chirping vocals. Like I said, plenty of twee to go around, but that giddy lightness made it a bit of a life raft as we worked through the end of winter and (eventually) into summer. Now that the sun shines (finally) I find it even more inescapable. It's still in rotation on the radio and featured in ads. Honestly it feels more like a summer pop tune than something that would chart in the winter. The breezy vocals courtesy of Dragonette's Martina Sobrara are ridiculously infectious, alluring in their cutesy appeal but impossible for any other human to match. I do believe the woman is a Fairy or perhaps a woodland pixie of some kind. I do know that she's Canadian, but that may not be a factor in the sugary sweetness, unless Maple syrup is really that important farther north than MPLS. For such a lilting, modern voice one would expect her to be a waif of a teenager. Somehow she's north of 30. I have no idea how that works.

Despite my transparent and self-conscious passive-aggressive enjoyment of the song, it's become a bit of an obsession. I have no idea why, to be honest. As my better half can attest, along with more than a hand full of the posts on this site, I have a not-so-secret love of pure pop music. This just may be an exemplary case of said obsession. I love the kick of the drums, the buzz of the synths, the lightness of the vocals. It's super catchy. Saccharine, but awesome. If, by some strange twist of fate, you have yet to hear 'Hello' by Martin Solveig and Dragonette, give it a spin. It's infectious. You'll go nuts, but you'll be grinning the whole time.

I Land

In the spirit of sharing, I'm taking today's space to impart upon the reader some things I learned whilst I visited the tropical island of Maui. 


Yes, it was my Honeymoon. No, I will not foist my pictures on the world for affirmation, nor will I offer condescending, pseudo-sage advice. Instead I'll just let my brain out for a little while to roam and see what I've retained from my experience in anti-thinking. That was, you see, the essence of the trip - after the stress and meticulous coordination of an insane and astounding wedding, both the better half and I were afforded the opportunity to shut our brains off and relax. So what did they process in the down time? Let's probe the lobe:


1 - No amount of preparation will prepare a WASP. No amount of sunscreen, however strong (SPF Flannel) or copious (freshly laundered shirts still emit odors) the lotion or spray - you will burn something. Thankfully ours were minimized to my gargantuan nose and the top of my better half's right ear. She got lucky.


2 - No matter how stupid it may be to your instincts, cars are both plentiful and almost essential. "But you're on an island" my subconscious would protest. "Yeah, but I'm not walking to the far side of the island across the Highway" my ego would counter. Yeah, we took the bus sometimes and did a ton of walking whenever possible. Still, it would have been much less relaxing without a car. "But it's an island!" Yes, subconscious, it's a modern American island.

3 - I will most likely never get over LOST. It wasn't even filmed on Maui, yet the whole time it was this little ghost in the back of my mind. Everywhere I went I gave the scenery another curious glance, gaining a whole new appreciation for the show. Not just the plot and setting of a tropical island, but that 99% of it was filmed in Oahu. I saw a commercial for a local school and I realized halfway through that it was the setting for any British University scenes on the show. Yep, huge nerd. Probably incurable.

4 - Further illustrating my incurable nerd-itis: when given a towel, be it on a boat, beach or bar, I wrap it around my neck like a cape. Yeah. Given my build it can either make me look like the Doctor or Tetsuo. Neither of the two really work with shorts, I have to say.

5 - Sushi is much better when it's caught, say, 5 miles away as opposed to having fish in the middle of a landlocked state in a very wide continent. Additionally, something about the ponzu sauce in a particular roll was so satisfying that it caused my better half to remark "What is it in this that tastes like my childhood?" It had a profound affect on both of us. Fish was so fresh that the best poke we found, following tips from locals, was at the local Foodmart. Dig:

6 - A little chili powder on freshly sliced fruit is unusually delightful. You don't have to try it. Just sayin'.


7 - Not heeding the warning my cousin imparted at the wedding, I found the hard way that excessive consumption of citrus makes the mouth raw. To quote Drew "If it feels like your mouth is being tenderized, lay off the pineapple." Turns out it goes double if it's accompanying your Mai Tai, which are too awesome for me to have on a regular basis. But man, for a fortnight I was totally sold on rum.

8 - Rice as a side for breakfast really deserves to catch on here on the mainland. We do potatoes with everything here, why not switch it up for funsies? Plus, goes great with over-easy eggs!


9 - I am a nervous pervis, to the bitter end. In Minnesota I fret about bugs. The problem in Maui? SNAKES. I think that trumps ants and mosquitoes. I did enjoy the helicopter tour of the island, I assure you. But I would remiss not to admit my first thought as we lifted off was my paranoid brain realizing "OH GOD THESE THINGS CAN CRASH" like it had never occurred to me. Still, a beautiful tour and I took lots of pictures. Like this one. Of me. In long pants and shoes. On the beach.

10 - Even in a resort created specifically to cater to tourists I still feel sheepish about being a tourist. It never ends. Thanks to my experiences under the Bush regime I will never stop pretending to be Canadian. I'm still surprised at the altar I didn't say "I do, eh?" I refused to wear a Hawaiian shirt. Why? Too touristy. I'm uptight, I know. 


11 - When the time is right just have dessert and don't feel guilty. Will you die from it? Maybe, if you do it every day and for breakfast. But for a week straight on Honeymoon? Damn straight. 


12 - Never eat chocolate in bed. You drop one little piece and the cleaning staff wants a big tip. Try to plead your case, I dare you. Spoiler: you will be embarrassed. 


Look at that list. You may interpret that as an unhappy take on the whole affair, but really it's quite the opposite. I think if you look past the surface of self deprecation you can dig that I loved it and really relished turning my mind off for a while. No worry about plans or traffic or politics or taking out the trash or even feeding the cat. It was an amazing trip, and a wonderful first step into married life. The two of us travel well together. So here we are now, home and free to live our lives together, one day at a time. I'm glad we had the adventure we did. Now we start an even bigger one together. I'll see you tomorrow for a more traditional post, eh?


13 - Oh, poi? Pretty unpleasant. Not inedible. Just not necessary.

Unbreak

Well, lookie what we have here!


It's been far too long, dear friends. Far, far too long.


What's new? You look good. You have a good Fourth? Been hot, right? Tell me about it.


So.


I'm married now. I'm a husband. I have a wife. Not, like, to own - someone who gets me. Couldn't be happier, honestly. The wedding was, in a word, fantastic. That's the word I kept using all night - fantastic, evoking the essence of fantasy. Everything I ever wanted. All my closest family and friends in one place, all of them feeling the love. My better half looked amazing. Simply stunning, if you saw for yourself. In fact, see the amazing Homeless Pennies for a little insight. Her take on the whole day made me smile. Everyone was in a joyous mood. 


Not to self-aggrandize too much but it clicked with me at some point during the reception just how positive my life has become since I've been writing this blog. By focusing on sharing awesome things with the world I've rekindled my sense of optimism and positive perspective. Instead of looking for the worst and snarking about the world (of which I am still frequently guilty) I find great pleasure in shared marveling and simply communal appreciation. This sounds really corny, doesn't it?  


You know what? I don't care. I shouldn't feel sheepish about being happy. There have been times in which I feel foolish for writing here on a daily basis. However, coming off the roller coaster that is getting married and going on a honeymoon, it's easy to see how much life is improved with a positive attitude. Whereas I felt myself burning out as I approached the finish line, I write this with a renewed vigor and joix de vivre. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my wife. I love my life. Even on Mondays.


Here's a fun little tidbit: I've been understanding more and more in recent years that life is whatever you want it to be. Misery, joy, mischievous, lazy or contemplative. It's your call. So in planning the wedding, my better half suggested we incorporate some of our talented friends. Here's proof in concept - in the middle of our reception we had a private concert by our favorite local rappers, the much-ballyhooed Mnemosyne:

I love this shot. In the middle of an elegant, 1940s-esque old-school Hollywood feeling Beach Club, we have Bride, Groom and Indie-Rappers. The juxtaposition kills me.


To further cast my affection around, I want to thank you for still reading this. To know that there are people in the world that would spend their time reading this is more than any writer could ask for. I know you're still there, and it means everything to me.


So here's the deal - I'm gonna keep doing this. I love it. It reminds me of how amazing the world is, and if it does the same for anyone else, all the better. Tomorrow I'm going to touch briefly on what I learned by going to a tropical island for a fortnight. It'll be good, I promise. After that, I get back to sharing amazing things that you simply must know about! So stick around, cats. Big things lie in store. More themed weeks. Grander concepts. More interviews. Let's explore this world a bit together, shall we?