During, Go

Summer Vacation.

July's been nuts. I cannot be the only one to think so. The heat wave that's been oozing over the nation made a lovely, long stop here in the Middle West. It's had a diminishing effect on my ability to think. Not all hope is lost, though. To escape from the muggy misery of a 115 heat index, I accompanied my better half to Durango, CO for a wedding. It was, in a word, breathtaking. Durango, for those unfamiliar, is up in the mountains, far from...anything. It is wonderfully isolated, a serene place where the silence was broken only by the occasional train departing the station. While the wedding itself was in town, the reception was even higher up, roughly 7,000 feet above sea-level, at Blue Lake Lodge. It was even more isolated and astounding than Durango. Food, atmosphere and fellow guests were all fantastic, but like any trip I've come away with a short list of observations and lessons learned. Since this is my only trip this summer (due to the recent home-acquisition) let's jump in and break it down. Without further ado, here's what I learned on my Summer Vacation:

- The older I get, the more anxious I become while flying. I know the stats and how unsafe car travel is. I don't care. Rocketing through the sky in a a metal tube strikes me as defying man's place in the world, even if physics wants us to stay aloft.

- I abhor hotels. They are, in my neurotic mind, filthy places full of invisible evils that threaten to hitchhike home in my suitcase. I can't tell you the white knuckle neurosis I struggle with while checking in to a room.

- At some point since the development of the above-mentioned neurosis, I've also adopted the mind set that if I'm going to be miserable in a hotel, I'm going to console myself with indulgent food. This usually involves me sitting in bed, anxiously eating chocolate while poking my iPad like a lab rat.

- Weddings are immensely more enjoyable to attend once yours is out of the way. Being at a wedding and thinking about planning your own (or talking your better half off a ledge from planning it) is an exercise in long-form torture. Now that the pressure is off, the really are a celebration of love.

- No amount of corniness can conceal it. I love seeing two people in love get married. I don't care about your politics. Gay or straight, if they're in love, let's all celebrate the fact that two optimistic, idealistic people found each other in this cold universe. How can someone not marvel at that?

- Hipsters are apparently omnipresent and of a universal quality, not unlike hippies. There's always at least two at every wedding and the are as reliable in their expected behavior as I am in mine. Nice to see how I could be dressing or living, but usually it's an affirmation I'm happy with who I am. That being said, they are very nice if you know how to handle them.

- Durango, especially higher up the mountain, is serenely beautiful. Long stretches of unbroken quiet. Views like you wouldn't believe. Landscapes that seem impossible constructed. No mosquitoes! A very relaxed pace at which the citizens live, a with a bit of cowboy/granola ethos. Hard not to drink the Kool Aid in such a place.

- High altitudes are much easier to handle when you've quit smoking and gotten back down to an appropriate shape. Had I not kicked the habit and been running, it would have been a miserable weekend. I remember being exhausted and winded when I would visit Boulder as a smoldering tub. This way, I could actually see the sights.

- That being said, at 7,000 feet, I'm a cheap date. No amount of starches and water can alleviate that bloated, red in the face feeling of a couple high altitude drinks crawling right on top of you. Considering how wonky one feels in a plane (cabin pressure is roughly equivalent to 8,000 feet) it's no wonder I had to take it easy when imbibing.

- Why did no one tell me about putting hot sauce in beer? Are we that repressed in the Middle West? How has such a basic concept never made its way here? I am disappointed at how much I missed out on. Tabasco, here I come.

- Connecting flights are the worst. It's stressful enough to have to deal with security and the airlines, but giving them twice the opportunity to wreck your travel arrangements? I've learned to just avoid these situations altogether.

A fantastic trip to a breathtaking place. Good friends getting hitched. Good food, altitude hijinx and airline dramatics. I learned a lot, and had an amazing time. Here's to enjoying the rest of the summer.

Dreamstate

I never got carsick playing this. Not once. 

As a child of the late 80s/early 90s I was a proud owner of a Game Boy, the inexplicably gender-specific portable device courtesy of Nintendo. My parents, in their infinite wisdom and generosity, decided the best way to pacify me on long car trips (of which there were many) and trips to my grandparents (of which there were even more). I adored the Gameboy both for what it was and what it afforded -  gaming on the go! Official, transportable Nintendo games! I was sold. Rather, mom and dad were. The requisite title was Tetris, of course, but there were other games that mesmerized me beyond the gratifying disappearing of bricks. Of particular quality and experience is the subject of today's Video Game Week piece about neglected and forgotten games - The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening.

Zelda and Nintendo (especially of the portable variety) have become inextricably intertwined in the two decades, but that wasn't always the case. At the time of the release of Link's Awakening there had been a total of three Zelda titles - the original and establishing title, the uneven and divisive sequel and the instant-classic Link to the Past. A quality gaming experience was not the guarantee at this point. But with it's pedigree and reputation, it was already known at the time to be a solid, reliable series in the Nintendo canon. When Link's Awakening was announced people were excited but wary - some titles had shown a drop in quality in the journey to the smaller screen. When it finally was released we got something that was a little unlike any Zelda game we'd seen before, and nothing since then has been quite like it. In fact Link's Awakening remains an anomaly in both structure and plot, setting it apart from the rest of the games in the series.

Whereas every single other game bearing the Zelda title has included some form of Hyrule, Ganon, the Triforce and the titular princess herself, Link's Awakening set itself apart by eschewing all of these standard ingredients for a unique and whimsical tale of cast-away adventuring. The core of the game's plot (which was surprisingly rich for its day) is as follows: Link, in the wake of his adventures in A Link to the Past, sets off for sail on the high seas. When a storm wrecks his boat he awakes to find himself on the shore of Koholint Island, a strange place that bears more than a passing similarity to Hyrule. At the center of the island is a mountain with a gigantic egg resting in the crater on top. In order to leave the island and go home, Link must defeat eight creatures in their respective dungeon lairs in order to retrieve instruments to play a song that will awaken the Wind Fish that rests within the egg. See? Told you it wasn't the same old song and dance. What unfolds is a sad tale of both determinism and resignation in the face of destiny. I will be extremely conservative and not spoil a 20 year old game, but my 10 year old self was genuinely sad to see what unfolded in the final moments of the game, and even now I remember it fondly for the adventure. However I still don't want to re-experience the loss that stems from the plot. I think that shows either an extreme emotional attachment or signs of strong game design.

 While I certainly don't want to dump all over the tried-and-true template for a Zelda game (Ganon, Triforce, Hyrule and one requisite tweak of the conventions) I really loved this game for what set it apart, even if at the time I thought it was a bit odd. In fact, my pre-teen brain interpreted the non-canonical setting as a result of the portable nature of the game, i.e. smaller, non-console iteration equated a non-standard game. In a way that subconscious interpretation was right, as I've found that te game's development was almost an after-hours, off-project construction. The designers were afforded more freedom to play around with conventions because of the side-story nature of the game. This sense of freewheeling, 'let's throw this in' attitude made for a unique little adventure, one that felt both large in scope and unlike anything I'd played before. There were cameos from Mario games, the occasional side-scrolling section and even, for the first time in a Zelda game, the ability to (gasp!) jump. These quirks helped break ground for the series, if only in adding a touch of whimsy where convention might otherwise induce stagnation.

 There have been re-releases and enhanced versions in the intervening years since I've played Link's Awakening, but my heart will always remain with the simple little black and white, bare-bones version for the Gameboy. There are...ways...to track it down if you can't find the GBC version. If you've never played it, I would highly recommend it, just to see what a Zelda game can be when the plot and structure are unrestrained by the demands of convention. Even if it involves a poignant moment at the end. 

I Land

In the spirit of sharing, I'm taking today's space to impart upon the reader some things I learned whilst I visited the tropical island of Maui. 


Yes, it was my Honeymoon. No, I will not foist my pictures on the world for affirmation, nor will I offer condescending, pseudo-sage advice. Instead I'll just let my brain out for a little while to roam and see what I've retained from my experience in anti-thinking. That was, you see, the essence of the trip - after the stress and meticulous coordination of an insane and astounding wedding, both the better half and I were afforded the opportunity to shut our brains off and relax. So what did they process in the down time? Let's probe the lobe:


1 - No amount of preparation will prepare a WASP. No amount of sunscreen, however strong (SPF Flannel) or copious (freshly laundered shirts still emit odors) the lotion or spray - you will burn something. Thankfully ours were minimized to my gargantuan nose and the top of my better half's right ear. She got lucky.


2 - No matter how stupid it may be to your instincts, cars are both plentiful and almost essential. "But you're on an island" my subconscious would protest. "Yeah, but I'm not walking to the far side of the island across the Highway" my ego would counter. Yeah, we took the bus sometimes and did a ton of walking whenever possible. Still, it would have been much less relaxing without a car. "But it's an island!" Yes, subconscious, it's a modern American island.

3 - I will most likely never get over LOST. It wasn't even filmed on Maui, yet the whole time it was this little ghost in the back of my mind. Everywhere I went I gave the scenery another curious glance, gaining a whole new appreciation for the show. Not just the plot and setting of a tropical island, but that 99% of it was filmed in Oahu. I saw a commercial for a local school and I realized halfway through that it was the setting for any British University scenes on the show. Yep, huge nerd. Probably incurable.

4 - Further illustrating my incurable nerd-itis: when given a towel, be it on a boat, beach or bar, I wrap it around my neck like a cape. Yeah. Given my build it can either make me look like the Doctor or Tetsuo. Neither of the two really work with shorts, I have to say.

5 - Sushi is much better when it's caught, say, 5 miles away as opposed to having fish in the middle of a landlocked state in a very wide continent. Additionally, something about the ponzu sauce in a particular roll was so satisfying that it caused my better half to remark "What is it in this that tastes like my childhood?" It had a profound affect on both of us. Fish was so fresh that the best poke we found, following tips from locals, was at the local Foodmart. Dig:

6 - A little chili powder on freshly sliced fruit is unusually delightful. You don't have to try it. Just sayin'.


7 - Not heeding the warning my cousin imparted at the wedding, I found the hard way that excessive consumption of citrus makes the mouth raw. To quote Drew "If it feels like your mouth is being tenderized, lay off the pineapple." Turns out it goes double if it's accompanying your Mai Tai, which are too awesome for me to have on a regular basis. But man, for a fortnight I was totally sold on rum.

8 - Rice as a side for breakfast really deserves to catch on here on the mainland. We do potatoes with everything here, why not switch it up for funsies? Plus, goes great with over-easy eggs!


9 - I am a nervous pervis, to the bitter end. In Minnesota I fret about bugs. The problem in Maui? SNAKES. I think that trumps ants and mosquitoes. I did enjoy the helicopter tour of the island, I assure you. But I would remiss not to admit my first thought as we lifted off was my paranoid brain realizing "OH GOD THESE THINGS CAN CRASH" like it had never occurred to me. Still, a beautiful tour and I took lots of pictures. Like this one. Of me. In long pants and shoes. On the beach.

10 - Even in a resort created specifically to cater to tourists I still feel sheepish about being a tourist. It never ends. Thanks to my experiences under the Bush regime I will never stop pretending to be Canadian. I'm still surprised at the altar I didn't say "I do, eh?" I refused to wear a Hawaiian shirt. Why? Too touristy. I'm uptight, I know. 


11 - When the time is right just have dessert and don't feel guilty. Will you die from it? Maybe, if you do it every day and for breakfast. But for a week straight on Honeymoon? Damn straight. 


12 - Never eat chocolate in bed. You drop one little piece and the cleaning staff wants a big tip. Try to plead your case, I dare you. Spoiler: you will be embarrassed. 


Look at that list. You may interpret that as an unhappy take on the whole affair, but really it's quite the opposite. I think if you look past the surface of self deprecation you can dig that I loved it and really relished turning my mind off for a while. No worry about plans or traffic or politics or taking out the trash or even feeding the cat. It was an amazing trip, and a wonderful first step into married life. The two of us travel well together. So here we are now, home and free to live our lives together, one day at a time. I'm glad we had the adventure we did. Now we start an even bigger one together. I'll see you tomorrow for a more traditional post, eh?


13 - Oh, poi? Pretty unpleasant. Not inedible. Just not necessary.

Gone Fusion

Well hello, there!

I've got good news and bad news. No mincing around, I'm gonna just lay it out there.

The bad news - starting today, there's going to be about a two week hiatus on this site. I've considered bringing in a guest writer to fill in while I'm away, but so far nothing has fit quite right. I truly appreciate everyone who comes here and reads what goes on, but just know it's a temporary absence.

The reason?

That's the good news.

I'm getting married today!

I know what you're thinking - how can you be writing when thats happening? Thing is, I have a few minutes before I suit up and am typing this on my phone.  She's the love of my life and truly my better half. I couldn't be happier to marry her. But we are going on a honeymoon and I won't be able to post until I come home.

So please check in while I'm out and read old stuff you might have missed. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to sneak something on here. But when i come back I'll get back to business as usual.

See you soon, as a married man!

Sit Down & Shut Up

Day five, I'm just finishing my travels, currently on the way to the airport. A little rushed but mostly alright for time. I've had a phenomenal time in AZ and eaten way too much sinful food, including Black Sphinx dates - I honestly wanted to weep when I ate them, they were so good. Made a crazy ice cream Sunday like a child at the Road Runners show because apparently 60s radio hits necessitate a full ice cream bar. Chocolate covered blueberries were good but too much chocolate, not enough blueberry. Honey roasted peanut butter fresh pressed at Whole Foods was unreal. Sad my local store has no peanut butter press. Got too much sun and feeling fried still, just tired and dumb from all the vitamin D flooding my system.


Since time is a bit of a factor here I'll just throw a short bit up here on a popular but oddball music group, Das Racist. Hailing from New York, this meme-tastic hip-hop outfit first made waves with the dada-esque viral song "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell". Soon after, to establish their legit rap cred, they released a pair of mixtapes: Shut Up, Dude and Sit Down, Man. These two mixtapes are not only super awesome examples of modern hip-hop and the humor it can wield but they're also totally free. While critics may dismiss it as joke rap or absurdist, they'd be missing out on awesome beats and surreal lines these guys create. My personal favorite track - the bobbing weirdness of "hahahaha Jk?" that sample the theme from Days of Our Lives. The refrain: "we're not joking, just joking we are joking, just joking - we're not joking." Sounds weird but it actually is a great line. 

There's a ton more I could dissect here, the songs and lyrics are intricately woven and strange. Unfortunately I'm at the airport now and am having to face the reality of checking in and dealing with crowds. Cringe. Shudder. Here we go. Tomorrow I return to the usual sturm and drang of my normal schedule, so these posts will be a little more fleshed out. Until then, kids. Until then.

Chasing Sheep

Here I sit, 38,000 feet above sea level typing diligently away about a book I finished for the second time. I'm on my way to carefree AZ to replenish my vitals and vitamin d levels. The book? Another fantastic piece of post modernism by haruki murkami, A Wild Sheep Chase.


The story functions in the most basic sense as a noir detective story. To summarize in a blatantly frank manner, a young man is tasked with finding a location and specific sheep within a photograph he used in one of his agency's ads. Sounds bizarre, I know, but I swear that in the greater context of the story it is quite engaging, to the point of my befuddlement even on a second read through. It's a story of this young, unnamed protagonist subjecting himself to the weirdness of the world at large while seeking an old, familiar (if forgotten) connection.


As I wrote in my article about Norwegian Wood I have concerns when reading murakami of whether or not I fully comprehend the context of what is being expressed. I get the literal action but worry about not understanding the idiosyncratic peculiarities of a foreign culture. Having had a chance to chew through the material once before, however, allows me the luxury of not worrying about plot as much as investigating the subtext. Having done so, I can safely say that A Wild Sheep Chase is indeed just as fantastic and weird as I suspected it was on my first read through. The retread afforded me perspective I lacked the first time around.

It really is a great gum shoe tale, albeit with a nameless Everyman hero. That is not a detractor, though, but a method and vehicle for the reader that works quite well for an incorporating effect. The story involves long periods of contemplative drinking, of which I am quite a fan, as well as carefully navigating peculiar  conversations with strange figures and the occasional metaphysical force. As our hero works his way north and out of Tokyo he comes closer to the core of the mystery and farther down into a strange world of men obsessed with a particular sheep, only to find a very inter-connected world of guided hands and lives. I know this all sounds very disjointed and off kilter but it really does hold together quite well in the end, to the degree that my second time through the denoumount brought a new found appreciation for just how fantastic and well constructed the tale is. All it takes is one good scare and a lonely cabin in a deserted mountain clearing to really grab you by the shoulders and make you sit up and take notice. 


Murakami is a killer writer, but you may already be well aware of that fact. Having read a handful of his books by now, im getting the sneaking suspicion that A Wild Sheep Chase may actually be his secret best work. I have a few more of his works to delve in to, admittedly, but this does stand out as a particular highlight. If you've never read anything by this phenomenal author I would highly recommend starting here - it's a quick and easy read that pays off incredibly well. 

Mr. Pilkington, I Presume...

Evening, all.


I write this over the counter in my kitchen, having cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Why the obsessive-compulsive fit of action, you ask? Partly genetics, but honestly it's the damn blizzard again. I know I shouldn't have mentioned it in that post about storms and Warm Fuzzy Viewings, see what happens when you get over confidant? Regardless, here I am, having gone stir crazy and Lysol-intensive, meticulously scrubbing away at phantom spots on my counter while the snow piles up outside. I can barely see across the street, it's that intense. My cabin fever (and a decent bottle of cab) has driven me slightly mad while I clean, so while I don't have a proper column to speak of I can at least impart what has been the saving grace of the day - An Idiot Abroad, with Karl Pilkington!

Karl, one of the regular participants on Ricky Gervais' podcasts and the ensuing Ricky Gervais Show, Karl is the kind of person whose mind you absolutely marvel at while it operates. Gervais' podcast (and the show created from it) rely primarily on Gervais and Stephen Merchant picking his brain and seeing what is happening in his orange shaped head. While it absolutely comes across as cruel or teasing, it is done, as all involved attest, in nothing but good humor and comraderie. Pilkington is either absolutely insane and sheltered or bizarrely insightful - asking questions that will stop the conversation in its tracks or make you question whether you were even speaking on the same subject.


Having tormented Karl for several years and determined he had no interest in leaving England at all, Gervais and Merchant realized a fantastic travel show could be created through sending Pilkington to the Seven Wonders of the World and simply filming his thoughts and experiences. The primary conceit for the show is that Karl is unhappy in his surroundings and often muses on his experiences through his own bizarrely centric view. On seeing the Taj Mahal - "Well, I figure you'd rather live in a hole and see a palace, then live in a palace and have to see a hole." It does make sense in a certain light, but seeing him in action, having crossed all of India and having that be his only remark? Brilliant, as Gervias would summarize. 


A friend of mine had extolled the virtues of this show after I had asked if he had seen the Ricky Gervais show. One good thing leads to another, apparently. Having set the DVR the night before, my better half and I awoke today to a massive snowstorm and no plans to speak of. So, the day ahead of us, we made breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch, cleaning the entire condo top to bottom in the meanwhile, all with An Idiot Abroad playing in the background. Both painfully hysterical and oddly engaging as a travel show, it was a wonderfully distracting thing to have on while going about a home-bound day. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, take in the wonder that is Mr. Pilkington - be it through the podcasts, the phenomenal and painfully funny show or the Idiot Abroad. They're all too good to be missed.


I'll give a more proper column when we've shoveled our way out of Hoth.


Till then, stay warm.

Homeward bound

Tonights the last night in San Fran. Massive day today, went to Mission Beach Cafe for breakfast, where I had the best breakfast I've had in months. They make everything they serve in house, from the english muffins to the awesomely spicy sausage. The sandwich I had had bacon and caramelized onions in a sweet and salty mix that was sublime.

Took the cable car from one end to the other, had some seafood. Went by Lombard street, walked all over the city. It was a non stop, go-go tourist day. Honestly I love this city, from everything I've seen. At the same time I can't stand these half-posts, its frustrating to not be able to write a proper post. As insane as it is to go back to the frozen tundra I look forward to being able to use a keyboard like a normal adult. Give it time. Tomorrow may be a day of travel and time zone changes but I think I can fit one in.

I wait with baited breath.

Pig Cone

Still in San Fran, limited posting options ensue. I was testing my better half about what she would recommend for a good bite. She texted me:

"pig cone"

I was convinced it was a typo until I spoke with her. It's definately a thing. Boccalone deli in the Ferry building in downtown SF. Their business card describes their work as "Tasty Salted Pig Parts." Straight forward and dead on, they do delicious cured meats. The cone I had was slices of prosciutto, salumi and other stlyes of pork that were crazy good. A sharp contrast to the sinful food I ate during the game. Yes, I watched.

This is gonna be the cutoff point, typing on my phone is not as conducive as I want it to be. More sober, less passion. Such is life. California is gorgeous.